We all know how heated and divided things can get when it comes to politics and social issues, right? All too often it feels like everyone is shouting over one another and no one is really listening. What if we told you that next time you are in this situation, that just listening can actually be a game-changer? Yes, it is true! Let’s dive into the magic of what is called reflective dialogue and discuss how it can help you have healthier political discussions and debates.
What is Reflective Dialogue?
Reflective dialogue is a helpful conversation technique where you and your family, friends, coworkers or acquaintances take turns talking and then reflecting back on what you just heard. Yep, just reflect back what you heard. Here is how it works: one person shares their thoughts and opinions while the other person (aka the “reflector”)listens closely and summarizes what was stated. Afterwards, you switch roles. This process isn’t just about talking; it’s about really listening and making sure everyone in the group feels heard. We know what you are thinking—this is just too simple? It is true that this is simple but the truth of the matter is that reflective dialogue works and can successfully transform your conversations.
Why Does Reflective Dialogue Work?
Reflective dialogue is all about building trust and understanding. This is accomplished through the process because when you listen to someone and immediately reflect back on what they just said, it shows that you care about their perspective. This process helps break down people’s defensive walls because when people feel understood, they are more likely to be open, honest and have more meaningful conversations. When you participate in reflective listening, you help reduce tension and prevent misunderstandings. You are not adding content or interpretations. This also helps all of us exhibit empathy and connect on a deeper level. In today’s world, where it seems like everyone’s trying to talk over each other, reflective dialogue can make a difference. An article from Scientific American called, “The Empathy Incentive,” goes into the science behind it all and explains more on how this kind of dialogue lets empathy flourish. In short, it makes participants feel heard and respected, which makes it easier to find common ground and work together on topics where there are opposing opinions and viewpoints.
How Can Reflective Dialogue Help When Discussing Politics?
Yes, it can be hard to suspend our agenda and preconceived notions. Ultimately, we have to reflect on our intention in any dialogue. Am I going in to change their mind or am I curious about what they have to say? If the former, there are ways to do that effectively. We have much to learn on that topic from the FBI Negotiator Chris Voss, research on why even facts (alone) don’t change minds or Motivational Interviewing providers who know that the more we push for change, the more resistance we get back. On the other hand, engaging in reflective dialogue, we can move past the automatic clashing and begin to connect on a deeper level. We still may not change the other person’s mind, however, this approach builds bridges, can help mend the rifts caused by differing opinions, and strengthen our relationships. Keep your expectations low and your values and intentions in check. And yes, this can include agreeing to disagree. Just know how you want to walk away from that. Next time you find yourself in a heated debate, try giving reflective dialogue a genuine chance. You might be surprised by how true curiosity can shift dynamics.
What Does Reflective Dialogue Sounds Like?
If looking for more information on what a conversation would look like, we have provided a sample. Let’s imagine two colleagues, Alex (a Republican) and Jamie (a Democrat), having a conversation about healthcare reform. Here’s how reflective dialogue might play out.
Round 1: Alex Shares, Jamie Reflects
Alex (Republican): "I believe that a free-market healthcare system is the best way to ensure quality and innovation. Government-run healthcare systems tend to be inefficient and can lead to long wait times and lower quality of care. I think private companies can provide better services because they have to compete for customers." Jamie (Democrat): "Okay, so what I’m hearing you say is that a free-market healthcare system is better because it encourages competition, which you believe leads to higher quality and more innovation. You’re also concerned that government-run systems can be inefficient and result in long wait times." Alex: "Exactly. I just think that competition drives improvement and that the government isn’t always the best at managing large systems."
Round 2: Jamie Shares, Alex Reflects
Jamie (Democrat): "I get where you’re coming from, but I believe that healthcare is a basic human right and should be accessible to everyone, regardless of their financial situation. I think a government-run system can ensure that everyone gets the care they need. In countries with universal healthcare, people don’t have to worry about going bankrupt because of medical bills." Alex (Republican): "So, you’re saying that you believe healthcare should be a basic human right and that a government-run system can make sure everyone has access to care, without the risk of financial ruin. You’re also pointing out that in countries with universal healthcare, people don’t have to worry about the cost of medical bills." Jamie: "Yes, exactly. I just think that the government has a responsibility to take care of its citizens, especially when it comes to something as important as health."
Round 3: Finding Common Ground
Alex (Republican): "I understand your point about healthcare being a basic human right. I agree that no one should have to go bankrupt because of medical bills. Maybe there’s a way to combine our ideas—like having a basic level of government-provided healthcare, but also allowing for private options for those who want them." Jamie (Democrat): "Yeah, I think that could be a good compromise. Ensuring a basic level of care for everyone, while still allowing for private options, might address both of our concerns. It’s important to find a balance that works for everyone." Through reflective dialogue, Alex and Jamie were able to listen to each other’s perspectives and reflect back what they heard. At times, they may have even found common ground and relatable emotions. When engaging in reflective dialogue, it is important to recogonize that feeling anxious about x,y,z is still anxiety and even though anxieties may have seemingly different roots, conversationists may relate to one another about these anxieties more than they thought. People don’t have to agree on everything, but can show empathy and respect to one another, ultimately helping them to have more productive conversations. That said, reflective dialogue requires a minimum of two willing participants, who can stick to basic ground rules and boundaries. If participants are unable to do that, it may be best to keep the mindset that some conversations are best left alone.